Why Buy Diamonds?

Diamonds. Sparkly. Precious. Tough. Dazzling. Glitzy. And expensive. What makes them the classic gift from a man to a woman they love? And why do women want them?

First of all, I don’t actually know if there’s any one answer to this question, but I’m willing to take a stab at it. On the surface, there’s an obvious answer about gifting diamonds that has something to do with gender roles of the past, spending money and lots of it, and how appealing a big-spending man used to be in days gone by to any women searching for financial security. However, if gender roles really have shifted (and they have), then it makes sense that buying diamonds to demonstrate financial stability should have fallen away. And it hasn’t. I still see men in jewelry stores, and there’s not really a shortage of women showing off diamonds purchased by men in their lives. I suspect there’s something more to diamonds than just a demonstration of financial prowess.

I have never been a fan of flashy jewelry. I like gifts like everyone else does, but I have had relationships in my past where gifts were plentiful, and the sentiment was missing, where meanness and expensive presents existed in the same room at the same time and where the gifts were expected to negate the meanness. Ironically, it was the meanness that negated the gifts.

As the years progressed, I made it a practice to prefer the love and kindness in acts of service, love notes and an occasional no-reason-at-all bouquet of flowers to the formality and the financial sacrifice of hinged velvety jewelry boxes. I suspected those purchases had love in them, but I find the love more easily in the way that my daily vitamin is left out for me on the bathroom sink top, or the gas tank in my truck is filled, or how the toilet seat cover gets closed down again after each visit. These things show love in ordinary days, and they are free and priceless at once. 

Regardless of all that, I know there’s still pressure within each couple during the Christmas season, for example, to purchase the gift-of-the-magi perfect present anyway, and to wrap it and surprise one another. Unfortunately, as a December baby – born nine days before Christmas – it’s more complicated. I also had the lack-of-forethought to put my wedding anniversary in December. In doing so, I inadvertently saddled my poor husband Tom with a rough task. He’s stuck every December with the challenge of making sure that all three of these major gift-giving days remain separate and apart even when they fall so close together on the calendar. 

To make it worse, even though most women say they want jewelry, I rarely do. Here’s why: I wear the same exact earrings every single day, and I like it that way. They’re gorgeous; they have sentimental value; and they’re classic. They go with everything. I never change them. Besides that, my hands are small and can’t quite manage more than my solitary wedding band without looking over-adorned, so I don’t wear any rings besides. Bracelets could work, but my wrists have been referred to by a joker friend of mine as ‘bird arms’, so bracelets aren’t easy to find in my size. They’re usually way too big and fall down over my hand, hindering my ability to open my fingers. I also don’t wear a watch anymore, so that’s out, too. I have a few necklaces that I wear regularly depending on the outfit I’m in, but even those are simple and small. Impressive jewelry just isn’t my thing. And I do see how that has stolen Tom’s easy trip to a glittering counter of I’m-done-with-my-shopping happiness. Lucky for him, I prefer dirt. 

It’s true. I love to garden, and fresh soil is too heavy for me to lift on my own. Mother’s Day gift-giving is easy in the form of heavy-lifting. It’s perfect to get help just as I’m planning in the garden and planting veggies and flowers. Bags and wheelbarrows full of raked-in compost and soil go a long way to bring me joy in the spring. Dirt isn’t much of a gift in December. Add the triple gift requirement and it’s a lot for a husband to manage. And it’s the same with February, so I know it can be a pain to shop for me on Valentine’s Day, too.

And yet, something is happening. I am starting to see what it is about the diamonds.

I do still like dirt and chickens and love notes best of all, but I see that diamonds cost the giver a lot of money, and I think it’s their expense that makes them attractive — to both men and to women. I don’t mean to say I want Tom to spend money on me because I’ve suddenly changed and I now want to flaunt fancy jewelry. I really don’t want to wear big diamonds, and I really don’t need them. It’s not that. Like anybody else, sometimes I need a little reminder that I am valued. (Can a gift even do that?)

I’m already 100% sure that my husband values me — in fact, he values me enough to have listened to how much my heart loves sensible and practical and natural gifts. He knows I’d rather he avoid the jewelry counter and head to the garden store. So then why do I suddenly keep teasing him and telling him I want diamonds? 

I was recently present while a couple we know went shopping side-by-side for jewelry. It wasn’t her birthday, special celebration or holiday. And they didn’t wander in to the jewelry store intending to buy anything. The four of us had just been strolling together through shops while exploring a tiny new town with no great purpose when the husband of the pair spotted a ring that he liked in the shop window. Against his wife’s urging, right then and there he spent too much money on it. He proudly walked out of the store with the thing on her finger! And then it happened that I wished poor Tom felt the pride this guy did. No! Haha! Just kidding! That’s not it.

I swear, I didn’t want to buy a ring at all that day, and I wasn’t jealous that she had one. I certainly didn’t see the sense in Tom spending the money, but I definitely wanted the other thing she did have in that moment. It wasn’t the ring. I longed for the sentiment. I wanted my husband to look like hers looked. Let me explain.

I never thought about the motivation behind why a man would ever make an extravagant purchase to show love, but in that moment, I noticed that this husband got a benefit from spending money on his wife. He had a satisfied expression on his face that said he loved his wife and he wanted everyone to know how important she was — and if he were a rooster, I imagine he’d have been crowing and strutting. Now, this guy wasn’t a jerk who was showing off that he had a little money (or credit) burning a hole in his pocket. He wasn’t braggy then or later. It didn’t look like ego and bravado. It was his expression. It said he wanted to demonstrate his love for her, his pride in being married to her with this extravagant and unnecessary purchase. And he didn’t just want to show his wife that he valued her this much, but it seemed he was showing her off to everyone. And even if she didn’t see it, he seemed to be trying to show every other person that witnessed the purchase that day that he had a wife that he cherished. And maybe he was thinking every subsequent person that might hear his wife tell the story of the day he bought an expensive gift for no reason at all would see it, too. He put that ring on her finger so she could show off how much he loved her.

In truth, I don’t know if that ring had diamonds or not. I do remember looking at it and giving it the proper oohs and aahs required for moments like those, but I honestly never linger on trinkets like jewelry, and the ring itself isn’t the point. The ring itself is not what inspired me to start yearning for a gift of diamonds. 

I think everyone yearns to feel important like my friend felt after her hubby got her a sweet and expensive gift, to feel thought of, to feel valued by someone, to notice that someone spent their time, attention and yes their money on them. I know that gift-giving at Christmas is not about receiving gifts or spending a lot, for example; it’s about exchanging love, right? It’s about a Messiah coming to the earth, God incarnate living among us ‘with the dawn of redeeming grace’, and if it’s about true love coming down, then love actually is the gift. Tom and I are blessed to share the gift of a happy marriage that’s full of love, a sacrificial love, a lasting love, a practical love that holds a household and a big family together like glue. So, who needs diamonds?

Well….

Even though I love the dirt, I got the desire this year to see our love in diamonds. I do hear the hypocrisy. (Does she love dirt or not?) But, I’ve gotten caught up in the notion of Tom feeling so thrilled about us and happy to be together that he would…well, you know. And then it crossed my mind that I would’ve loved to confuse my husband completely by asking for diamonds, but to say it out loud kind of spoils the whole point of it completely, doesn’t it?  But how else do I manage the notion that for the first time in a half century of living I’m beginning to notice what all the fuss is about diamonds. And I don’t think it’s about owning them and wearing them and showing them off. It’s about why they are given and about how precious gifts like those are to both the receiver and the giver. Here it is February 14th, Valentine’s Day, Christmas gift opportunities two months gone, and couples again falling for what jewelry commercials feed us: love begins with expensive jewelry, namely diamonds. With the gift scramble here, again comes the pressure to produce what will best demonstrate love. And then good sense takes over and says that this principle couldn’t be exclusive to diamonds alone.

God says love is patient and kind, that it does not envy or boast, that it isn’t proud, that it isn’t self-seeking or easily angered and keeps no record of wrong-doing. He says love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres and that it conquers all. And nowhere in there does He say anything about needing diamonds to feel loved or to show love. He says all the opposite stuff. In fact, He gives us the illustration of the woman with the Alabaster Jar that just pours out expensive perfume on Jesus’ feet — a wasteful act in the eyes of the Pharisees. couldn’t they have spent the money for that perfume on something practical? But, no. She was giving something of great value to her Savior. And the giver didn’t hesitate.

So, what’s true here? I still prefer dirt, right? Right. I still adore acts of service, right? Right. I’m quite sure sacrificing the contents of a bank account can’t prove one person’s love for another, but sacrifice is part of it. Love does make us willing to sacrifice — sometimes with time, sometimes with money, sometimes with every single thing we have. With Christ as our example, the ultimate picture of love is a whole-hearted, full-bodied sacrifice of a life given up for us. It’s the greatest example of love.

On this Ash Wednesday Valentine’s Day when God is asking us to focus on sacrifice and love all at once, I’m getting a clearer picture of the thing, that’s all. Though I’d always assumed that the allure of diamonds was in the glitz, and I thought I had avoided being any part of that, I’ve changed my mind. When stumbling upon this pure example of someone giving all he had to demonstrate a big love, I couldn’t help but see that he hadn’t been coerced by social pressure; he had discovered a way to show a big love through an expensive earthly gem. There’s still glitz in it, but also a recognition that the intention behind the glitz replaces the prideful boasting with simple adoration in a Song-of-Solomon kind of way.

Where does that leave the average person whose wallet might not be fat enough to pull off this kind of purchase? Or the silly girl who’s struggling to feel loved awaiting a good-things-come-in-small-packages gift that isn’t coming? Well, it leaves us all right where we started in the first place. Love is patient, and patience is free. Love is kind, and kindness is free. You get the idea. And dirt is cheap.

So, here’s to celebrating love and showing love in all the ways we can: body, spirit and mind… and maybe sometimes even wallet. Have a Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

***THANKS FOR READING. PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT WITH YOUR THOUGHTS ON WHAT DIAMONDS MEAN TO YOU. I’D LOVE TO HAVE THE FEEDBACK.

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